When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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