I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
