i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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