chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
