did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This girl is more easily done than said...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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