My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
