I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
