Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
