Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
