Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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