I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize