While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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