dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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