things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You don't make any sense
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