What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
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Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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