Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I stole a fireplace last night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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