you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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