Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
