There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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