we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
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Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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