Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
