eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
