Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
