OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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