You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
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oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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