The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize