I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
