Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
