He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
