We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
