i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
