I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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