you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Found the puke drawer
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
