I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
