The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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