honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
