My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
