...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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