You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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