I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
