you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
