I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
