Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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