May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
