I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize