I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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