Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
