he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
