just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
