RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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