I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
