i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he was CRYING into my vagina
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize