it was like having sex with a tree stump
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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