Sponge bath it is.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
