you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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