awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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