So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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