She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
