what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
this boner is exhausting
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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