weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
