i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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