There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
