Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
