I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
